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Question:
Some people say they “feel” God with them. I have
trouble feeling his love. Is he really there? How can I know that
he loves me?
Answer:
You are not alone. Even some of our biblical heroes like David
struggled at times to feel God’s love. In Psalm 13:1 he cried
out, “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long
will you hide your face from me?” When you’re feeling
distant from God have you ever cried a prayer like this? I have
and I can tell you that it helps me feel connected to God.
I often hear
from people who are Christians, but are struggling to feel God’s
love for them. Their prayers seem to have bounced off the ceiling
unanswered. Their cries for God’s healing touch echoed down
hospital corridors, apparently unheard in the heavens. Emptiness
had overwhelmed their hearts and left a Godless void inside. Doubt
had driven out faith. Together we cried out for God until we found
him. If you’re going through times like these you may feel
like giving up on God, but don’t. He hasn’t given up
on you.
Like the father
in Jesus’ parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32), God
never stops loving us. Insulted and rejected by his son, who left
home and wasted his inheritance money in wild living, Father still
loved his son. In fact, he missed him so terribly that day after
day for months he looked to see if his son was coming home yet.
When finally he saw Prodigal way off in the distance he didn’t
wait for his son to get to him. He ran out to greet him - huffing,
puffing, sweating, robe flying open and exposing his undergarments,
he ran and ran as fast as he could - unconcerned that the town
gawked at a man of distinction making a spectacle of himself.
Then he embraced his dirty, disheveled, and swine-smelling son
to his heart and kissed him again and again. He gave his son gifts
of grace: a robe to cover his tattered clothes so he could lift
his head high, sandals to welcome him home as a son and not a
slave, his signet ring to give him a second chance to manage the
family property, and a great party to honor him in the community.
This is our Heavenly Father. He takes initiative to show his love.
He is generous, overwhelming us with his love and his gifts of
grace that we didn’t earn.
This picture
of your Father God loving you may seem too good to be true for
you. Perhaps your father didn’t take initiative to get to
know you and share his love with you. Maybe hugs and kind gestures
have been few and far between for you. It is hard to trust in
the love of God whom you have not seen or touched if people whom
you have seen and touched have shown you little love. So what
can you do? How can you begin to experience the healing, life
changing love of God that you long for?
I’d like
to offer you some powerful possibilities for helping you to feel
more of God’s love for you. Consider the faith-building steps
below and focus on the steps that you most need to take:
1. Confess
your shortcomings. None of us are perfect. When we hurt other
people we need to say we’re sorry to restore relationship
with them. It’s the same with God. Our behavior affects our
relationship with Him. It’s a good idea to daily take a moral
inventory in order to say you’re sorry for your shortcomings
and then to turn to God. Do this and you will feel more of God’s
love.
2 .Believe
that you are lovable. Your problem with God may be a self-esteem
problem. Some people feel bad about themselves because of something
they did. Others feel bad because of something that was done to
them. Either way, don’t let yourself feel bad about yourself.
Work at receiving forgiveness for your failings and giving forgiveness
to those who have hurt you. Don’t give in to shame, embarrassment,
and negative self-talk. If you do you’ll feel like hiding
and will tend to shut out God and others who care about you. Instead,
dare to believe that you are lovable and worthwhile and that your
emotional needs are important. Then look for loving, gracious
people and receive their care as a gift from God. Additionally,
try reading and praying over positive Scriptures that focus on
God’s love for you. (See “God’s Love for Christmas.”)
3 .Let
go of anger. Your problem feeling close to God may be tied
to an anger problem. Angry people are lonely people. You may have
valid reasons to be angry, but don’t stay angry or you’ll
just hurt yourself. Anger and negativity push people away, even
the caring people whom we need. You can’t stay angry at someone
and feel their love for you at the same time. If you’re angry
at God then do what Job did. His children died, his business failed,
and he was afflicted with painful boils. On top of this his friends
judged him, telling him that he was suffering because he sinned.
Job knew he didn’t deserve this pain. He was angry at God
about what had happened to him and all the pain he was in and
he told him so. He was angry at his friends for criticizing him
and he told them how he felt too. Because Job talked through his
feelings and let go of his anger he didn’t become bitter,
he became better. In the end he found God’s comfort. You
can too if you talk through your anger with God, let go and trust
him, reaching out to him for the love that you need.
4. Express
your feelings. You may be struggling to experience God’s
love because you struggle to feel your feelings. Perhaps you’re
a person of action and reason and feelings just get in the way.
Or you’ve experienced so much pain and disappointment in
life that you’ve shut down your emotional system. In either
case, if you’re emotionally detached you won’t feel
close to God and his care for you. To get more in touch with your
feelings find friends who are interested in you and who will ask
you, “How are you feeling?” and then listen to you.
Also read the book of Psalms in the Bible and look for psalms
that you identify with. Then write your own psalms to God, talking
to him just like you would to your best friend. Tell him what’s
happened and how you feel about it and then remind yourself that
God cares about you, has given you good things in the past, and
will help you now. (See the Poetry section on New Hope Online.)
5. Clear
up your image of God. Most people I talk to who are having
trouble feeling God’s love have a distorted image of God.
They don’t see God for who he is. They’re projecting
pain or disappointment from childhood onto God. They may know
in their heads that God is different, but emotionally they experience
him like their critical father, distant mother, abusive step-father,
or someone else who hurt them. I find that when these people are
helped to heal from their childhood hurts they are better able
to see God for who he is. Along the way, it’s helpful to
immerse your heart and mind in the positive images of God presented
in the Bible. Three of my favorites are the Loving Father (Luke
15, mentioned above), the Good Shepherd (Psalm 23 and John 10,
see my poem, “Psalm 23 Journey”), and the Nurturing
Mother Bird (Psalm 91). When one of these positive pictures of
God gets in your heart you’ll feel different about God, yourself,
and your life.
6. Ask
for prayer. To sum it all up, if God seems far away and inaccessible
to you then you need help. You can’t find God on your own.
Remember the story of the paralyzed man who needed Jesus’
healing touch? (Mark 2:1-12) Four men carried him a stretcher
to Jesus. Jesus was in a house ministering to hundreds of people
who were crowded inside and standing outside the windows. The
friends of the paralyzed man were not deterred. The carried him
onto the roof, cut a whole in the roof, and carefully dropped
him down at Jesus’ feet. And Jesus healed him. If your faith
in God is paralyzed then ask for prayer from a friend, your pastor,
or a counselor. Call or e-mail New Hope and we will pray for you.
You can get unstuck! You can feel God’s love for you! Don’t
give up on God. Get the help you need, take the steps I’ve
suggested, and receive what He provides.
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